I know I have broken your heart, I want you to know that.
I heard the cracking of it as I walked away or was that mine? It is so hard to tell in those situations.
That is what I really want you to know, that I didn’t want to let go, but I felt my fingers slipping and knew waiting for the fall from love to kill me would be excruciating. So I started my misery early, hoping I could make my suffering short.
I also what you to know that I am sorry, more than anything. Not just sorry for hurting you, but sorry for myself as selfish as that is. This broken beating in my chest feels like it will never heal, and I don’t know if I deserve it to stop.
But I know that we would have ended either way, at least this way I shoulder most of the guilt. We were both slipping if we are being honest, but I was the only one brave enough to save us both even though I knew you would hate me for it.
Most of all I want to know, that I don’t regret it. I know it seems like I do, but I don’t. Because you hate me for hurting you and that is much easier to deal with when I hate myself for the same thing. Let us be honest dear, we would have ended up hating each other if we let life take its course, and hating you would be even more painful than hating myself.
